


All the Way Down

by laireshi



Category: Avengers (Comics), Iron Man (Comic), Marvel 616
Genre: Angst, Civil War (Marvel), M/M, Not A Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 04:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6223390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Later Tony will look back at it, the last morning they've ever shared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Way Down

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, [magicasen](http://archiveofourown.org/users/magicasen/pseuds/magicasen).
> 
> I had a lot of Tony feels to channel. 
> 
> A fill for "on opposing sides" on my bingo card.
> 
> **There are warnings at the end**.

The day of the Stamford explosion, Tony wakes up in one bed with Steve.

They've been sharing a bed for months now, the bedroom is _theirs_ and not just Tony's anymore, and it still takes Tony's breath away to realise it. He smiles when he notices Steve is still asleep. He kisses him on a cheek, lightly, and Steve stirs, opens his eyes. Tony's smile widens. 

“Morning, Sleepyhead,” Tony says.

“It's Winghead,” Steve corrects him and leans into a kiss.

“Not this morning it isn't,” Tony replies gleefully. Steve looks at him, and smiles back, as if he just saw the sun. He kisses Tony again, and Tony touches his hand to Steve's cheek briefly before moving away. “I have a meeting,” he says, apologetically. He'd rather stay in bed with Steve all day, but his board wouldn't approve of that.

“Go charm them,” Steve says, endlessly supportive.

They both get up, and Tony tries to get dressed without being distracted by Steve. Then there's a message on his priority line, and he freezes mid-step.

“News?” Steve asks. It sounds like it's coming from far away.

Tony doesn't reply.

“ _Tony_ ,” Steve says, his voice sharp as usual in reply to Tony submerging himself in Extremis feeds.

“ _Fuck._ ” It's nothing more than a whisper, and then Tony's voice picks up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

The TV turns on, and Tony points at it, terribly pale. 

Steve makes a move in his direction, as if to hold him, but Tony shakes his head mutely, and Steve turns to the screen to watch the report.

Tony presses his fingers over his eyelids in a useless effort to erase the images he's just seen. He bites on his lower lip. He's shaking, but it's fine, no one can see at the moment.

“Tony?” Steve says quietly. Tony straightens up, calls his armour to him.

“We have to be there,” he says, looking fully composed. 

Steve nods, but there's still a question in his eyes. He doesn't say anything, though, as he pulls on his costume instead of civilian clothes.

They fly out, Captain America and Iron Man; and later Tony will look back at it, the last morning they've ever shared.

***

In the evening of the day of the Stamford catastrophe, Tony Stark swears to the president that he'll _handle_ the Captain America situation.

Steve, _a Captain America situation_.

Tony knew this was coming. He's known for years. He just . . . didn't expect it now. Not yet. But now that it's here—he knows what to do. He knows it very well.

He hates himself already.

***

It should be easy. He knows what will happen, he has the plan, he only has to follow it.

He still fights it as much as he can, he offers Steve a way out, for a split second believes Steve _will_ take it—and then Steve shakes his hand, and Tony screams in pain as a mini-EMP Steve must've been holding shuts down his systems.

Steve hits him before he even has his faceplate down.

Tony wishes he could punch him and not feel like he was punching himself.

Tony's armour could withstand a fight with a Hulk and he's angry at Steve, betrayed and disappointed and hurt. He still makes sure he doesn't hit him with his full strength, pulls his punches and dials down repulsor power.

Steve fights for all he's worth, of course, but it won't make Tony change his rules. There's something fitting in how Steve throws the shield at him hard enough to make the armour crack. 

A part of Tony wishes he didn't have the suit to protect him. Would that make Steve stop?

It's a pointless question, because it's Tony who can't stop, it's Tony who has to see this through and make sure they all survive.

Not in the way they like it, but _alive_.

He'll do it.

***

Tony is in a business suit this time, but the armour's never far away from him—and the suit, in a way, is a way better armour than the actual Iron Man could be.

No one has seen him without one of them in days—weeks?—anyway; not even Steve.

Maybe _especially_ not Steve.

He really should start thinking about him as _Rogers_. Steve calls him Stark these days, and Tony pretends it doesn't hurt.

Steve doesn't know anything about Happy, at least, and Tony wishes this really was news to him, that all the trust he had in Steve was gone; things would be so much easier then.

But no, apparently he still trusts Steve not to start hurting _Tony's friends_. Shame Steve doesn't trust him with the same thing.

Why did he call him at all, Tony wonders, and discards the first, obvious, easy (true; impossible) answer—he doesn't miss him, he can't.

They're fighting a war, and it's Steve's decision.

Tony knew it would happen. That doesn't mean he could've changed anything.

***

He can be selfish this one time, he thinks, and calls Steve on the old frequency, asks him to meet in the ruins of the Mansion.

He takes the armour, but he won't fight if Steve brings back-up.

(Steve won't do that, but Tony hopes he will anyway; he doesn't want to go on.)

He has a path to follow; and it's impossible to take another step. It's been impossible for days.

Steve comes alone, like Tony knew he would, and asks him to take off his armour. This isn't a surprise either, but he's been stupidly hoping he'd get to keep his shields in place. He schools his face before removing the helmet. It doesn't help.

Steve almost takes a step back and Tony can only imagine how he looks now.

“What do you want to talk about, Stark?” Steve asks, and who would've thought, he's the one better at hiding his emotions now.

Or maybe he really doesn't care anymore.

“So that's it,” Tony asks, pathetic. “We're over, just like that.”

“ _Just like that?!_ ” Steve roars. “You—”

“I assure you, I know what I've done,” Tony snaps. “But _you_ never listened. Never. Did our—did I never mean anything?”

Steve looks at him. “Are you asking me _now_ if we really broke up?” His voice is cold, and it's answer enough.

Tony shakes his head, a lousy lie. “No,” and he knows Steve doesn't believe him, “I'm asking you to listen.” He might be crying. He doesn't care anymore.

Steve doesn't listen, because he never does, and Tony knew how it would go down, so why did he try to change it?

They end up fighting, and Tony still wants to kiss him and hits him instead, and Steve must only want to kill him these days, but he pulls his punches against Tony now that he's unarmoured, and everything is wrong.

Tony wants a drink, and he deliberately doesn't dodge another punch as it comes, and spits blood.

This is their end.

***

He was wrong, Tony thinks; that was not their end. This is.

Steve, broken so much he's fighting dirty, and still, Tony isn't surprised he made him do it. He always destroyed those closest to him.

Steve, bashing Tony's armour in; Tony's ribs breaking, a wave of pain Extremis can't fix immediately.

Steve, breaking his faceplate, as if he still wanted to see Tony's eyes, to check if Tony's honest.

Tony's never been more honest in his life than when he says now, “ _Finish it_.”

This is their end. At least it's by Steve's hand. At least Tony will be out of that hell.

Steve steps back and surrenders.

***

Tony fixes his armour, and then just doesn't take it off anymore.

The armour is safe. The armour covers his face.

“Was it worth it?!” Steve screams at him, and Tony takes a while to reply, and hates himself more for every word that makes it out of his mouth—there should be a limit of how despicable he can feel, but clearly there's not.

“Well . . . You're a sore loser, Captain America.”

Steve looks small in the cell.

It should be Tony there.

He wants to shake himself. 

He saw it through. They're alive—almost all of them. It had to be worth it. It _is_.

He just has to go on now.

He can do that, too. Someone has to, and who else?

***

He'll make a terrible director, Tony thinks—but then, Steve is also a soldier, and Steve has learnt to love him.

And look where it got him.

Tony shivers. He's in the armour, he's always in the armour, but he's cold, and it's not right.

Extremis picks up on a TV feed, and damn, this is exactly what Tony wants to avoid. He doesn't want to see Steve led to his trial, he doesn't want to see the trial, he doesn't—

Steve's lying in a pool of blood at the court stairs, the EMTs surrounding him, and—

Tony hacks into the phones of everyone around Steve, he hacks into the med equipment, into security cameras, and they all show him the same thing, the one thing that can't be true:

Steve's chest isn't moving. He's not breathing. His heart doesn't beat.

Steve's dead.

Tony falls to his knees.

***

He was wrong. Everything he did—and he was wrong. And he will have to go on, in this world that can never be right again.

He knew how everything was going to end. He knew from the start, and _he was wrong_.

He could never have foreseen _this_ , because if he had, he wouldn't have made a single step on the road; he would have let the world burn instead.

Steve's body is cold and pale in front of Tony.

“ _It wasn't worth it_ ,” he whispers, ages and eons too late, and he's the best engineer in the world, facing the one thing he can never fix.

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon compliant - Steve dies.


End file.
